Self Love and Leading a Good Life Starts With One Fifty Lashes
Host: Matt Hanham
Guest: Jacob Moffitt
When was the last time you properly looked at yourself in the mirror? Do you like what you see? It’s time to whip ourselves into shape and acknowledge our failures and achievements.
In this week's episode, we go deep and explore self-love and how to achieve it. Later in the episode, we ask ourselves what it means to lead a great life.
This round is on Matt Hanham with the support of Justin Bourn, Conrad “Swaggy C” Francis and special guest Jacob Moffitt. The Simple Minds Podcast unravels topics such as personal development, philosophy, life, and business - one drink at a time.
- Self love [3:45]
- How to lead a great life [32:00]
Personal development starts with self-love [3:45]
The first topic up for discussion is self-love. Conrad is in the firing line with this one.
“Oh god. In what way?”
- Matt [3:48]
And we’re off to a cracker start.
Conrad recently attended a training workshop in America called Alchemy For Success. The training is on self-development. The alchemical process is centered through the power of alchemy to achieve the goals you want to achieve in life.
Conrad has come to the realisation that the key to self-development is through self-love.
Conrad asks the group to reflect on this quote:
“Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but still standing”
- Conrad [6:40]
The process of loving yourself takes time and effort. Conrad asks the group what their first step towards self-love was.
Matt attempted an exercise where he stared at himself in the mirror for 3 minutes. What he thought would be an uncomfortable negative experience, wasn’t. He found himself smiling at the end of it.
However, the exercise wasn’t all fun and games. For the first two minutes, there was a focus on his failures and everything that he’s not (yet).
“We are our own greatest critics”
- Jacob [10:00]
We’re always looking for that extra bit of performance or improvement. We hyper fixate on what we could have done rather than what we have achieved on our journey so far.
It’s interesting how externally our achievements are celebrated more than we celebrate them internally. But how can we develop when we can’t accept our wins as well as our failures?
In order to love yourself in the present moment, you need to accept the full journey. All the shit.
Being accountable is the key.
If you want a flash car but you’d rather be in debt than put the work in and make some sacrifices in your life, you’re not going to win. You didn’t put the work in.
“We bury it down and complicate it. By saying we need this or we need that. They’re excuses.”
- Matt [19:38]
Conrad talks about an exercise in advance communication. The goal of the exercise was to get your partner to move a pen from the right hand to the left hand. There was a catch though. The partner wasn’t to move the pen if they felt like that had to move the pen. They weren’t to feel obliged. You had to connect with your partner and create a safe connected space where they felt comfortable moving the pen when you ask them to. This is a highly aware state.
If you can become aware of how you communicate with others, that’ll have an internal effect.
How are you communicating with yourself? What are you allowing yourself to feel? Is the way you’re treating yourself affecting how you communicate with others?
You need to have self-awareness and empathy. Accountability is the greatest tool you could have.
When there is deliberate focus we’re able to communicate the way we want to. But we don’t. We choose to stay in a busy state because it’s not confrontational. It’s safe and provides an excuse.
In order to love yourself, you need to understand its an unraveling process. Tackle it piece by piece until you’re left with your authentic self.
“It allows you to wear pink pants and blue shirts”
- Conrad [25:00]
You too could be like Conrad.
“The solution to the problem is through the problem Not on the other side of it.”
- Conrad [29:33]
Next time you have a problem, don’t skirt around it. Put yourself smack bang in the middle of it.
How to lead a great life [32:00]
The second topic for the episode comes from our guest Jacob. Jacob asks the group what leading a good life looks like, and what do they define as a good contribution to our society and planet?
Matt thinks when you’re passionate about something and you’re pursuing it then you’re leading a good life. He uses David Attenborough as an example. David suffers in extreme climates to produce high-quality content. There is suffering in passion. But it makes it more the worthwhile. Knowing you’ve put your heart and soul into something and come out the other side with something you’re proud of. That’s a good life.
Conrad has a different perspective. He strives to contribute, serve and move the planet forward. He looks up to entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett, and Bill Gates. Men who have impacted and shaped the digital 21st century.
But not everyone is a Steve Jobs. He doesn’t define a good life. You can impact change at any level.
Justin doesn’t look to popular influential figures. When he thinks about a good life, he thinks of his grandparents. They were humble, content and never complained. Whether or not these things were true, their legacy lives on through Justin. However, Justin struggles with the ambitious quality in him.
So, what’s the difference between public greatness and silent greatness? Why are we programmed to believe that public greatness = a good life?
It comes down to intent. Forget all the other bullshit. You need to be self-aware of your own journey and what you want from it. If you yearn for success, define what success means to you.
Whether you’re a great teacher, leader, mother or father. You can impact people and influence their legacy.
Define what you love. Be self-aware and work hard at it.
Alright, that’s it. That’s the episode folks. If you want to wear pink pants and blue shirts, you know what to do.
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How are you leading a great life? Let us know what you’re passionate about.
Mentioned in This Episode